ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
