My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
