So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
