just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
