he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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