im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
