he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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