I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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