Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
