So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
