it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
