wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
