I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
