No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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