She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
