Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
love makes seman taste better
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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