They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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