she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
