I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
