no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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