I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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