ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
