I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
