I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
