Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
