Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
