you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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