So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
