they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
