My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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