I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
