How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
