My nipple is on Facebook.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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