So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
