im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
