last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
