Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
