my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
