pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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