fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
