The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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