1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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