Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
