Kiss
Puke
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ttyl tear gas
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
