Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
