I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
