in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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