please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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