You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
