He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
