this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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