I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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