I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
