Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
