Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
