mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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